Brynn Brews

 Twenty years ago, when I was twenty-eight, and after a month with no sleep, I was diagnosed with a major mental illness. At the time this occurred,  I couldn't feel anything. My brain and heart were so completely shut down that when I was diagnosed, I had no reaction to the diagnosis and what the ER doctor was saying to me.  When the doctor told me that I had Bipolar disorder, I stared blankly and flatly ahead of me, disassociating from the reality of this diagnosis and the surreal experience of sleeplessness and mania that I was experiencing at the time. Although I had heard of the illness, I knew next to nothing about it. I certainly didn't believe I had it, no matter what this doctor was telling me. He must be mistaken. But, something was wrong because a person just doesn't stop sleeping for no reason. Years ago, when I was fourteen and got my first period, odd things began happening in my day to day life. Though the circumstances I was living in at the time were challe

Early morning. Three thirty am. I'm awake; always awake. I spend most of my life awake and frankly, I'm not even sure how I'm alive at this point or maybe, I don't know why I'm alive.  Although I can't prove it, I have a sneaking suspicion  that I have set records for the longest time spent awake in five days. One year, I barely slept for three months.  I was pleading for death. It never came.  Today, a different day, an early Thursday morning at 2:06 am and I find myself awake after not having slept for for forty-eight hours. I'm scared inside this illness because not sleeping wreaks havoc on my system  I can't think straight, my limbs and joints hurt, I forget everything, I feel frightened by the shadows that I've crawled inside of and there's no way out and no light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. I. AM. ALONE If you, dear audience, are having trouble seeing and feeling what it's like to suffer from chronic insomnia; here is some imag