Sleepless in South Dakota

Early morning. Three thirty am. I'm awake; always awake. I spend most of my life awake and frankly, I'm not even sure how I'm alive at this point or maybe, I don't know why I'm alive.  Although I can't prove it, I have a sneaking suspicion  that I have set records for the longest time spent awake in five days. One year, I barely slept for three months.  I was pleading for death. It never came. 

Today, a different day, an early Thursday morning at 2:06 am and I find myself awake after not having slept for for forty-eight hours. I'm scared inside this illness because not sleeping wreaks havoc on my system  I can't think straight, my limbs and joints hurt, I forget everything, I feel frightened by the shadows that I've crawled inside of and there's no way out and no light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. I. AM. ALONE

If you, dear audience, are having trouble seeing and feeling what it's like to suffer from chronic insomnia; here is some imagery that will help you see it.  It's like laying in a coffin in the ground with your thoughts burying you alive.  I also have an autoimmune disorder that causes sleeplessness. When paired with my my bipolar it creates a living hell.

Sleep is essential to life and people take it for absolute granted. Now, I need to do better myself because some of this is has been created by me.  I don't exercise except for walking my dog.  I don't eat right at all. But that's about to change. 

I have a gluten and dairy intolerance and sugar is no good either. I need to give up these things because I won't sleep soundly without changing my habits. And...I hate vegetables. So, there's a lot to change and the train stops here. This is where the old me gets off the train and an new me gets back on. This is where I take my life back.

Autoimmune disorders are extremely tricky, but they can be stabilized. I am not stabilized. One way to combat Hashimoto's (which is what I have) is to exercise. So this morning, once the sun comes up, I will be exercising. 

 To the reader of this article, I'm holding myself accountable and maybe by reading this, you can hold me accountable too. At the very least your thoughts and wishes would be more than welcomed.