Hello and first post.

Hi. For anyone out there reading this, this post is an introductory post explaining what my blogs will be about. There will be more than one subject but I will primarily be exploring mental health issues, spirituality and whatever else strikes my fancy. If I have a thought on any topic, no matter what it is, I will write about it. I've never really written a blog before, so this is quite new to me.  

I could say a lot about myself here, but I believe in building relationships and not giving the plot of one's life away in a few palsy sentences.  I didn't always believe in this but after bulldozing a few relationships with my intensity, I've opted for what I perceive as normal. Which, even as I write this, I don't have the faintest notion of what normal is. I wonder if anyone does?  My guess, probably not. My therapist says normal is a setting on a dryer and my therapist is quite smart. 

I'll admit that I would like to be "normal" more often than not. I look around and find myself wanting what other people have and perceiving what they have as better than what I have. It's a silly thing to do, honestly.  Still, normies as I call those folks, paint pretty pictures on social media.  And if you're mind is slightly darker, you know that everyone has a dark side. It's just that not many of us capitalize on this darkness. Well,  Stephen King does. 

I will tell you that my dark side will be featured here, along with all my good sides. I don't write scary stories. Oddly enough, I don't like them all that much. I haven't read a horror book in, well..ever.  And horror movies don't do it for me. I'll leave mass murdering to the NRA. 

My promise is that I will always be real. Here at least, I won't pretend that I don't have an illness to make other people comfortable.  I'm kind of tired of that in my daily life. In fact, I will work to celebrate this facet of me because why not?  I have no reason to be ashamed of myself. The reasons I have the illness are not due to a choices I made.  I couldn't help it anymore than you could help being right or left handed. It is and that's okay. 

For most of my walk with mental illness, I have felt sorry for myself, not knowing why I was sick and what I could do with myself.  I won't lie, I definitely have moments where I sulk, but as to my purpose and the reason I was given this illness, it is to help others like me.  So, if you're reading this, thank you and welcome aboard. It can get a little choppy this high up in the air, but it can also be fun, rewarding and truthful. I search my soul every day..... and I wouldn't have it any other way.